grateful thursday!

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because doing this on Monday wasn’t an option… and somehow, it’s already Thursday! As usual, I am overly blessed and happy to focus on that instead of all the things that stress me out!

First of all, I’m grateful for all the men and women who gave their lives in service to our country. I appreciate our country and the freedom and opportunities that can be so easily taken for granted.

Caleb’s first time at the big pool! He loved it!

Amy’s Bachelorette Party! Grateful for this group of women and how we worked together to make it fun!

No bachelorette party is complete until the pimp cups are used! Got the flutes from Party City and the stickers from JoAnn’s…happy sipping!

Best burger and potato salad ever! Yes, that is an english muffin instead of a bun…highly recommend!

 

parenting: using an “I” message

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Before having Caleb, I had a list of things I would “never do” when I became a mother. I would never let him sleep in our bed, give him dessert before dinner, let him cry for 45 minutes… And well, I had no idea. Before having a kid, I was the perfect mother! And now…now, I do my best. And that is faaaarrrr from perfect. But there are a few things I hope I don’t go back on (granted, I know I will make mistakes sometimes). I want him to feel loved, respected, and valued. I will do my darnedest to never shame him or make him feel small.

I really enjoy this by Dr. Michael Popkin called “Active Parenting Now.” I highly recommend this book for many reasons. One big reason is that it advocates for the parent’s authority, but teaches how to do that while still respecting your child. Plus, it works!

I’ll do a few posts with concepts from this book. This one is on using “I” messages. {By the way, this works in other relationships, too!}

It’s appropriate to use an “I” message when a polite request has failed to change behavior in your child (or spouse).

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Name the behavior or situation you want changed. It’s important to avoid shaming your child. Make sure you separate the “deed from the doer” (or the “sin from the sinner”). Example: “I have a problem with your leaving dirty dishes on the coffee table.”
  2. Say how you feel about the situation. Without raising your voice this lets your child know that the problem is serious to you. Usually anger is a secondary emotion and underneath it is fear, hurt or helplessness. Try to identify the primary emotion underneath anger…it is less threating. Example: “I feel taken advantage of…”
  3. State your reason. A simple explanation can go a long way. Example: “…because I have to spend time and energy cleaning up after you.”
  4. Say what you want done. You’ve already made a polite request. Since that failed you must let your child know exactly what you want done. Example: “I would like you to bring your dirty dishes to the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher when you leave the living room.”

Making “I” messages stronger:

  1. Get agreement. Example: “I have problem with…Will you do that?”
  2. Establish a time frame. Example: “…when you are finished.”

If this doesn’t work, logical consequences and disciplining are necessary. Stay tuned for tips on my next post!

grateful monday!

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Is time in fast forward? I can’t believe another week has gone by! I am blessed beyond what I could ever deserve. I love starting the week reminding myself of that fact!

Melissa! She invited Caleb right up to check out what she was doing…he was fascinated!

Time with very dear friends! We went to see a play to support our friend, Gwen and enjoyed some much needed community! I love this picture!

A husband who still thinks I look beautiful even after being scalped at the hairdresser!

lovely flowers and sweet cards for Mother’s Day!

a fun time with the family at Ikea! We had fun dreaming up ideas for his new playroom!

having fun planning Caleb’s first birthday party!

You turn! What are you grateful for in the past week?

the secret to giving women gifts

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This post is for all the confused men out there! The men who are paralyzed with terror as they wander aimlessly down the aisle having absolutely no idea what to buy for their women (whether that woman be your wife, mom, or daughter). Yes, you. And please know that you are not alone.

Early in our marriage, my husband bought me a bra for my birthday (because he knew I needed one, good idea…right?). No. Not exactly my idea of a romantic gift! Let your woman buy her own undergarments. He has come a long way since then. Nowadays, my husband is good at giving gifts. The reason he’s good is because he learned the secret. Are you ready? And here it is…

Women want to feel special, loved, and appreciated. If you put thought and effort into a gift, you are communicating that she is worth your time and effort.

You are communicating that she is loved and appreciated.

And that’s all we really want.

Hints:

  • Write something in the card!
  • Sam’s Club, Whole Foods, and Trader Joes carry lovely flowers if you can’t afford the flower shop!
  • Listen! did she mention her nails looking awful? buy her a gift certificate for a mani and pedi. her back’s hurting? make a coupon book with massages and/or a gift certificate to the spa. Did she mention liking something at the store, catalogue, commerical? go back and get it (within reason and your budget, of course!)
  • Ask her close friends or family for help or advice.
  • Surprise her by taking a day off unexpectedly and plan a date doing something she likes.
  • Breakfast in bed is an oldie, but a goodie.
  • Make a photo album. This one is especially good for moms! Shutterfly has great personalized gifts that you can make and order online.

Examples:

  • My friend Lynn got a lovely gift for her birthday from her husband, Mark. Now Mark (who has never baked a day in his life!) managed to bake a cake, conceal it, and bring it to their small group and surprise her with a song and cake for everyone. This gift was special because he put effort, time, and thought into making Lynn feel important and special on her birthday! See? You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make your wife feel loved!
  • And now for my chance to brag on my husband, Josh. For our 4 year wedding anniversary, he bought me a lovely eternal ribbon cross from James Avery. Not only is it beautiful, but I mentioned liking the cross a while ago when we received a catalogue in the mail. Now, that’s listening! And I felt very special.

    eternal ribbon cross ring

    James Avery has many meaningful pieces, I highly recommend them!

grateful monday

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It’s Monday! Another week to celebrate and focus on what I have, instead of what I don’t. So, here’s what I’m grateful for this week:

Celebrating Miss Cora Jane’s first birthday!

my dear friend, Dana!

This child. He makes my spirit soar and my heart melt.

Hooded towels. There isn’t anything cuter than a wet baby wrapped in a hooded towel!

Dr. Seuss! and the amazing man reading Dr. Seuss!

Publix Premium Parmesan and Roasted Garlic Dressing (so yummy!) on a deliciously fresh summer salad.

Your turn! What are you grateful for?

grateful monday

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It’s grateful monday time! I decided last week that I would share some of the big and little things I’m grateful for each Monday as a reminder to focus more on what I do have instead of what I don’t.

Thanks for joining me!

lunch with my dad!

this devotional! reading this treasure first thing in the mornings is just what I need!

"let Me teach you thankfulness..."

2 Things:
My wonderful MacBook Air
and...
An incredibly healing, educational, and eye-opening workshop this weekend! I learned so much that I am eager to incorporate into my counseling practice as well as in my family!

This video monitor has been a gift from God. I love it!

and I got to see a dear childhood friend again and she’s pregnant! I am very grateful for her friendship and her baby!

Your turn! Who wants to be the first to share something big or small you are grateful for today?

the truth about barbie

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I decided to do this post because I wanted to illustrate something to all my fellow real women out there: you don’t have to be a size 2 to be beautiful! Now, I know the Barbie proportions are extreme and I doubt that the average adult woman aspires to look like Barbie per say…but I think that the women we see on tv and in movies and magazines often define beauty for us (whether we realize it or not!) Ladies, I encourage you to redefine beauty for yourself. Beauty is strength, character, and a loving spirit. Beauty is a healthy body and feeling good about yourself.

I urge you to encourage other women to do the same. It breaks my heart when women are nasty to each other. Let’s decide to build each other up. {Even if you only critique movies stars, we have to stop!}.Our words have tremendous power. Use them for good. And by the way, have I mentioned how much I like your smile? Your smile makes me smile. You are lovely, friend.

And so…just for fun:

If Barbie were a real woman, her head would be the same circumference as her waist, meaning she’d have room for only half a liver and a few inches of intestines, (as opposed to the usual 26 feet). The result: chronic diarrhea and death from malabsorption & malnutrition.

To look like Barbie proportionally, a healthy woman would need to add 61 cm to her height, subtract 15 cm from her waist, add 13 cm to her chest, and 8 cm to her neck length.

Because Barbie’s neck is twice as long as the average human’s, it would be impossible for her to hold up her head. Her legs are 50 percent longer than her arms, (the average woman’s legs are only 20 percent longer than her arms). She’d also have to walk on all fours (her feet are so disproportionately small, her chest would pull her forward onto her toes).

REAL WOMEN
Average woman’s height is 5’4″
Their weight is approx. 140 lbs.
They wear a size 14 dress
Their bust is between 36″ and 37″ (B cup)
Their waist is between 30″ and 34″
Their hips average between 40″ and 42″
Their shoe size is estimated to be between 8.5 and 9.5

BARBIE
Barbie’s height would be 7’2″
Her weight would be 101 lbs.
She would wear a size 4 dress
Her bust would be 39″ (FF cup)
Her waist would be 19″ (same as her head)
Her hips would be 33″
Her shoe size would be a 5

info about Barbie taken from here.

grateful mondays

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It’s the beginning of a new week! Do you ever find yourself focusing more on what you don’t have, rather than on what you do? {yeah, me too} So, I love the idea of posting some of the little and big things I’m grateful for this Monday!

and here are a few of mine…

Yummy spinach salads for dinner!

Full of my favorite veggies (aka all of them!), a little fat free feta, roasted chicken, spices, balsamic vinegar, and olive oil!

A big ole cuppa joe and delicious biscotti from Trader Joe’s during nap time!

Our eldest fur baby, Penny! She loves to be rubbed and is so patient with our overeager, grabby baby.

Our goofy boy, Cyrus loves to snuggle!

My super smart and very delicious {almost} 10 month old is learning and growing so quickly!

I’m also feeling very grateful for my supportive, hard working, and super hot husband!

And for reconciled friendships!

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

– 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Your turn! What are you grateful for this Monday?

practical ways to reconnect

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Check out my last post on how to know if you and your spouse are friends.

As promised, here are some practical ways to reconnect with some examples from my own marriage:

1.   Talk! 

And by talk, I mean about more than scheduling and the kids. Try the rose and thorn game at dinner. Share one disappointing or difficult part of your day and one positive or pleasant part of your day. This is great for the whole family.

— Josh and I make it a point to talk for at least 15-30 minutes a day sans baby and TV.

It’s also important to continue learning about and getting to know each other on a deeper level. Here are a few questions you might try to get the ball rolling:

  • Would you keep working if we won the lottery? Why or why not? If not, what would you do instead?
  • What are the top 3 places in the world you’d like to visit? Why?
  •  What is your hope for our marriage in 5 years? 10? 20?
  •  When we met, I first noticed…What did you first notice about me? What were you thinking when we first met?
  •  I am attracted to your…(this can be a nice mix of physical and emotional qualities). What qualities do you admire about me? 

**note: you will most likely feel a little silly at the start of these conversations, but stick with it! You will hopefully feel more known, loved, and appreciated afterward!**

2.    Do stuff together. Anything! It can be a shared hobby or something mundane, like grocery shopping. If you are a person of faith, worship and pray together!

—  Josh and I try to do our grocery shopping and cooking together, if possible. We also have a few shows that we both like to watch together (DVR, you are the best invention of all time!) It’s so simple, but this is one of the highlights of my day!

3.    Notice how hard your spouse works. And thank him/her. A lot.

4.    Act like a team. You are on the same side! Support and encourage each other! Tackle your marital, financial, discipline, kid problems together!

5.    Touch and kiss without it leading to sex every time.

6.    Have sex. Decide together a reasonable goal and try (aka schedule it, if you have to!) to meet it.

7.    Make your marriage a priority. If this list sounds too hard…resolve to do something about it.

“Action expresses priorities.” -Ghandi 

What do you and your spouse do to stay connected?