A few weeks ago, I was called by a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group to come and speak at one of their meetings about intimacy and sex next month. I was excited about this call because MOPS are MY PEOPLE. And helping busy mothers reconnect with both their own bodies and husbands is one of my passions. I am genuinely looking forward to sharing some of my knowledge, but I’m finding it difficult to narrow down WHAT to share and where in the heck to start.
After all, could the subject of sex be any more complicated? NOPE, no. No it could not. And so…I’m just going to start AT THE BEGINNING: finding the time, space, and energy to actually have sex in the first place. So, I’m making the huge stretch in imagining that I am a MOP (totally am) and thinking of my friend and client MOPS, I started with a list because lists are awesome.
Here’s what I came up with so far.
Turn OFFs:
- Exhaustion/no energy
- Busy schedule, lack of time alone with hubs
- Feeling unattractive, not sexy, not liking body
- Disconnected from body, sense of self outside of “mommy”
- Not feeling emotionally connected to husband
- Negative feelings toward husband
- Messy house/overwhelming to-do list
- Haven’t shaved or showered
Next, we need a pro-sex list. I’m all about balance and fixing the fixable/practical stuff first.
Turn ONs:
- Time to have sex
- Well rested, relaxed
- Feeling appreciated, valued, loved
- Connected to husband
- Feeling sexy or attractive
- Sleeping kids
- Clean house
- Showered and shaved
Ok, we have our lists. There are practical solutions for many of the items. And clearly, some are a little more complicated. I’m going to address practical solutions, the complicated stuff, and frequency in my next 2 sex talk posts! Stay tuned and I’d love your feedback on your solutions, lessons learned, or challenges!
lauren dack 