10 Rules to Live by…*

1. I will communicate my expectations and not take it for granted that my spouse    understands what I need or want.

2. I will verify my assumptions so that I have accurate information and feedback.

3.  I will strive toward understanding my spouse’s feelings and thoughts on a matter     first, without criticism, before attempting to resist and fight or even negotiate and compromise.

4.  I will focus on resolving the issues and not attempt to make my spouse or our   relationship the problem.

5.  I will give myself and my spouse permission to take a “time-out” from the discussion when it’s requested or needed, as long as I give a specific time frame when we will resume problem solving.

6.  I will take ownership of, and be completely accountable for my own feelings, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors first, without shifting blame toward my spouse.

7.  I will not attempt to control my spouse with sarcasm, rage, threats, manipulation, shame, jealousy, or silence.

8.  I will be responsive and not reactive when discussing issues or receiving feedback about my behavior from my spouse.

9.  I will actively seek the forgiveness of my spouse when I am aware of any wrongdoing on my part, and I will extend forgiveness when it’s asked for.

10.  I will have a passionate marriage, one comprised of emotional and physical intimacy.

*adapted from “Well Done: the Rules for Creating a Win-Win Process in Marriage” by Eric Scalise