man, oh man…

A Few Clues about Men:

Now, I’m all for equality of rights and equal pay—but there’s no denying that men and women are built differently. Simple anatomy and neuroscience tell us that. I’ll focus on the neuroscience since the anatomy differences are obvious.

For instance, men’s brains are bigger, but women’s brains work better. What I mean is that our left and right hemispheres are better connected, making it easier for us to access both sides and multitask with greater ease than our male counterparts. This also makes us think of a million things at once (a blessing and a curse!). Let me tell you what this means for us relationally: we think differently than men.

Until we can at least understand the basics of not only our differences biologically, but also relationally—we will continue to assume that our partners should view and react to the world as we do. This is a huge mistake.

Ladies, have you ever said, “I told him once, he should remember!” or “I shouldn’t have to keep telling him, he should know what I want.” “If I have to ask him, then that defeats the purpose and it’s not romantic anymore!” Hey, I’ve been there too. Let me tell you why this kind of thinking is flawed and will ultimately just makes our men feel inadequate.

Why? Because: 1. He really didn’t remember. 2. He cannot read your mind 3. He needs things spelled out for him. Men are not good at reading between the lines. Remember what I said about their brains? Men can focus on one thing at a time and almost literally turn off the rest of their brains. When he was watching the game, it’s possible that he really didn’t hear you (amazing, huh?).

Also, when men sense disapproval they normally run away, become defensive, or shut down. Believe it or not, men are sensitive! They desire our respect and approval. And like we all do, they respond much better to positive reinforcement than to punishment (“nagging”).

I know it goes against the grain and the fairy tale romances we see on TV, but it’s ok to ask for what you need/want. In fact, it’s crucial that you do. Your husband will appreciate not having to decipher code to understand what you want from him and you will (hopefully) appreciate a much more attentive and engaged husband. 

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