Five sure fire ways to start a fight with someone you love today:
- “You always __________________!”(forget to…., mess that up, try to upset me, etc)
- “You never ____________________!” (listen, do what I want, tell me I’m beautiful…)
- “You are such a ________________!” (insert mean name/label here)
- “You make me _______________!” (crazy, insane, angry…)
- “You asked for it!” (same principle as #4, anything that blames your partner for your behavior)
Five tips that will decrease the probability of a fight:
- “I feel ____________ (insert emotion, ex. “hurt”) when you _____________.”(insert specific behavior. Ex. “when you forgot to call me when you said you would”) This works because you are talking about your feelings over a specific behavior. You’re not blaming or making untrue all or nothing statements. When you say, “You always forget to call me!” instead of making your point and feelings heard, your partner is immediately put on the defensive.
- “Thank you!”
- “I love you!”
- “May I give you a back massage?”
Such an easy lesson, yet so hard for so many to figure out on their own. It took me a while to recognize my own negative reactions, but it was easy to fix once I understood and saw it! Life sure is a lot easier now….great advice/reminder to put out there, Lauren.
Thanks Kevin! I’m honored that you read my blog!
Great advice, Lauren. It’s simple, but a needed reminder.
Side note — I especially agree with tip #5 for how to decrease the probability of a fight. 🙂
yep. works every time in my house. 🙂